


Memories

by DramaticNia



Category: The Grand Tour (TV) RPF, Top Gear (UK) RPF
Genre: Blood and Injury, Car Accidents, Hospitalization, Hurt, I'm Sorry, M/M, Major Character Injury, Pain, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:48:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28307037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DramaticNia/pseuds/DramaticNia
Summary: Death leaves a heartache no one can heal,love leaves a memory no one can steal,and as long as there is love and memory,there is no true loss...
Relationships: Jeremy Clarkson/Richard Hammond
Comments: 4
Kudos: 9





	Memories

"Jeremy?"

"Yes, Richard?"

"Y-you... you're not leaving, a-are you?"

"Of course not, you idiot!" Jeremy replied, brushing some of Richard's hair out of his eyes. "I won't leave until you tell me to."

"In that case," Richard sighed, a small smile on his face. "I don't think you'll ever leave."

Jeremy smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. He was worried about Richard, wondering if he was in pain.

_How could he act so normally?_

_The younger man was in a hospital bed, for God's sake! But he was acting as in nothing had happened!_

With a grimace, Jeremy remembered the incident, remembered how much pain it had caused him...

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

_"Jeremy!" James shouted as he burst into their office. "Jeremy! It's Richard!"_

_  
"Richard?" Jeremy asked, dropping all the papers in his hands. "W-what happened again? Is he okay?"_

_  
"He's..." James was panting as he walked up to Jeremy and put a hand on his desk, trying to get his breath back. "He... he had a crash..."_

_  
"What? Again? Oh for God’s sake, h-how-... Where is he right now?" Jeremy has started to panic, but as he looks at James’ pale face, he already knows with a sense of dread what’s going to come next... "H-he's okay, isn't he?"_

_  
"H-he..."_

_  
Andy then burst into the room. "Guys, we're going after the ambulance, hurry up!"_

_**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~** _

That was two days ago.

  
When Jeremy, James and Andy had first come to the hospital, they had caught a sight of Richard, seen his face screwed up in pain, his clothes drenched in blood...

  
And a piece of metal embedded in the underside of his chest...

  
It had sent Jeremy into hysterics. Andy and James had to hold him back to keep him from running over to Richard in his stretcher.

  
"RICHARD!" Jeremy screamed, eyes locked on Richard’s unconscious figure as he fought his two mates to get through.

"Jeremy, don't!" Andy ordered, holding the taller man back. "You can't see him yet!"

"No! I.. I have to do something! C-can’t you fucking see?! H-he's in _pain!_ look at him! L-look! I need to help him! I c-can't see him like this!" Jeremy half screamed half sobbed the words, and then burst into tears, no longer trying to fight his two mates. "I can’t live on without him... I... I just _can’t_..." He sunk to the floor and cried in his mates’ arms.

"It's okay, Jeremy." Andy soothed. "He'll be fine. He’ll be fine, just you see."

"I can’t..."

"He'll be fine, trust me."

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

Jeremy snapped out of his reverie at the sound of Richard's gasp.

  
"Richard? Hey, what happened? Are you okay?"

"...y-yes." Richard smiled. He knew that Jeremy couldn't handle the sight of him in pain. No matter how much it hurt, he would try not to let Jeremy see him like that, it wasn't fair on him. "It's nothing."

"Richard-"

"I'm fine, Jeremy," The younger boy assured him, placing his hand on Jeremy's. "Really."

"For God’s sake, Richard!" Jeremy snapped, wrenching his hand out of a hurt-looking Richard's grip. "If you're in fucking pain, just let someone know! You won't get better if you keep it all to yourself!"

"Jeremy-"

"And don't tell me you're not in pain!" Jeremy said as he placed his hand on Richard's and took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. "Please, Richard... Seeing you pretending to be okay hurts me more than actually seeing you hurt."

"B-but I-" Richard winced in pain as his hand flew to his chest clutching it, and his breathing hitched.

"Richard!? W-what happened?" Jeremy panicked, placing a hand on Richard's pained face. "Sh-shall I call someone? Oh God!... Doctor! I need a doctor!"

"J-Jeremy... i-it hurts," Richard gasped, tears streaming down his pale face. Although he did plan not to let the pain show, he would never deny Jeremy anything. "please... make it stop."

"God, Richard," Jeremy whispered, voice wavering, trying to keep his own tears back as he wiped the tears running down the younger man’s face. "You'll get better, just wait and see, okay? Now listen to me, w-when you come out of the hospital, the first crazy thing that we will do is... u-uhm... what do you want to do?" Jeremy asked, trying to keep the both of them distracted; and his hands were shaking violently as he caressed Richard’s soft hair.

"U-uhm... I-I think... I-I've always w-wanted to drive th-the Bugatti Veyron... o-on a road trip... m-maybe to Italy... w-with you...," Richard admitted with his voice low and weak, eyes closed and a small smile on his delicate face. He had to breathe between each word and it was so hard for Jeremy to watch him like this.

"I’ll call Andy to get us a Veyron and a perfect hotel room in Roma for the next month." Jeremy promised him, "What else?"

"I-I'd like to-- uh!"

"What happend?"

"I-it hurts..."

"W-what does?" Jeremy’s tears were already streaming down his face.

"I... uh... I can't breathe... J-Jeremy...?" Richard whispered, reaching up to touch Jeremy's face, but Jeremy reached his hand out in halfway and took his hand instead, kissing it lingeringly as tears ran down his own face. "W-why are you crying, you c-crybaby?"

"I... I just can't see you like this. God... I feel powerless..." Jeremy sobbed, playing with Richard's fingers.

"Jere-"

"A-are you tired?" The older man asked all of a sudden, wiping at his tears frantically, trying to keep his strong procedure.

"I-I guess. Bu-"

"You should get some sleep, then."

"No." Richard said firmly, looking at Jeremy with sad watery eyes, on the edge of crying. "Y-you'll leave. I know you will."

  
Jeremy leaned over and kissed Richard's forehead before brushing his hair back again. "Now who’s the crybaby?” Jeremy joked as he kissed Richard once more. "I told you, Richard, I won't leave until you tell me to. I'll stay here forever if I have to."

  
"O-okay then." Richard sighed. He then closed his eyes again and smiled weakly. "I'll n-never want you t-to l-leave me, though."

"I'll never want to leave you." Jeremy told him as he tucked Richard under the blanket. "Now, go to sleep, hamster, and I'll be here when you wake up."

"Fine," Richard sighed as he snuggled further into his blanket, his pain being gone for now. "I-I'll go to sleep..." Richard murmured weakly as he closed his eyes.

"I'll be right here," Jeremy informed him, going to sit in a chair next to the hospital bed.

  
Richard didn't answer, so the older man guessed he was asleep. He took Richard's delicate hand in his, closed his eyes and tried to sleep himself, but he couldn't stop worrying about Richard...

_When would he heal?_

_When would he be let out of hospital?_

_Why did his breathing hurt anyway?_

  
"Hey," Richard said softly. Jeremy's eyes snapped open.

"What else, hamster?"

"Y-you keep frowning... I-is everything alright?" Richard asked, looking concerned.

"I'm just worried about you, you idiot..." Jeremy admitted with a tired smile and a soft tone.

  
Richard rolled his eyes. "C’mon, Jeremy... don't frown... smile! be happy, Jeremy... I-I love you."

"I love you too, hamster, so, so much..." _'that it hurts...'_ Jeremy wanted to say.

  
Richard sighed and closed his eyes, a smile on his delicate face, and Jeremy watched him fondly, before kissing him on the forehead once more and closing his own eyes again. He focused on the sound of the heart-rate monitor, it's steady beeping.

_**Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.** _

The younger man was relaxed and was finally falling asleep...

_**Beeep. Beeeep. Beeeeep.** _

His eyes snapped open and flew to Richard, who seemed to be sleeping peacefully.

  
"Richard?"

**_Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep._ **

"Richard!!!" Jeremy panicked now, not knowing what to do.

  
Richard was...

  
_dying..._

"DOCTOR!" Jeremy screamed. He pushed all of the buttons next to the bed with shaky hands, hoping one of them called a doctor or a nurse. he couldn't leave the room, Richard couldn't be left alone...

"Doctor! Oh God, oh God, R-Richard, Richard wake up!" He cupped Richard's face, shook his shoulder, ruffled his hair, he tried to wake him up, what was he supposed to do?

At that moment, a doctor entered. "H-help him, please!" Jeremy pleaded. "Please don't let him die! _Please!_ "

The doctor nodded and gestured to the door, where Jeremy knew he had to wait.

  
And the wait was agonisingly long. Jeremy couldn't think, he just hoped Richard would pull through.

  
He also couldn't help but think it was his fault.

  
_He was the one who made Richard go to sleep._

_  
Would this have happened if he stayed awake?_

_  
And what if he didn't pull through?_

_  
No,_

  
Jeremy didn't want to think about that.

_Richard would pull through, no doubt about it._

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

"Are you here for Richard Hammond?" The doctor asked, stepping out of the room. Jeremy bolted out of the uncomfortable chair he was sitting in and ran towards the doctor.

"Y-yes, yes I am! Can I see him now?" He asked eagerly.

But then the doctor had said the words Jeremy had never expected to hear...

"Well, I'm afraid he didn't pull through, sir. I'm sorry."

At the sound of those words, Jeremy's whole world had come crashing down around him.

_Richard was.... **gone...?**_

"Richard...?" he whispered, eyes welling up with tears.

"I'm really sorry, sir." The doctor shook his head before leaving.

Jeremy sank to the floor, sobbing.

_Richard was gone._

_He hadn't even turned 40!_

_How would Jeremy Clarkson live without his beloved hamster?_

_It just wasn't fair._

_Richard didn't deserve it..._

The only way Jeremy could prevent himself from blacking out was by holding to his memories of Richard,

and his last words...

_"C’mon, Jeremy! don't frown._ _smile!_ _b_ _e happy!_ _I love you."_

**Author's Note:**

> I was just sad,  
> and, well, I tend to write a lot whenever I'm sad...  
> sorry... :(


End file.
